How to scare off your customers - 10 tips

I love these ten tongue-in-cheek tips that will most certainly help a company lose its customers. There is great learning in this.



Top 10 Best Ways To Scare Off Your Customers

1. Pass the customer around.
Whatever you do, make it virtually impossible for the customer to get what they want when they call you. Voice jail is great. Callers love that. Or, if you have a live person answering the phone, be sure to make your callers repeat themselves to multiple people. Add that extra bit of oomph by accidentally cutting off the call when you make a transfer.

2. Buy a system, and then fit your strategy around it.
Find a complicated system that your own people cannot understand or utilize, so there's no possible way they can use it to improve customer relations. Feel good that you've purchased the best possible system, and just hope your staffers appreciate the investment.

3. Rely on completely automated phone technology.
Forget the people and buy the best automated technology, then put it in front of your customer service operation. It's best to make it really difficult for customers so that they get confused. If they fail to select an option, route them to a really poor-quality answering machine. Why spend a minute of staff time with callers who don't even know which option to choose?

4. Forget about training.
Just do what so many companies do today and put staff on the telephone without an iota of training. Better still, make sure they can't be easily understood and are good at arguing with customers. If customers know they won't get satisfactory service when they call, maybe they just won't bother wasting your time. (continued...)

5. Do not reward loyalty.
Forget about all those loyal customers who have been with you for years. Instead, go out of your way to attract new customers with better deals, and tell your existing ones they cannot have the same special offer, despite how long they have been with your company and how much they have spent. Why bother retaining customers when you can just find new ones? (Wireless phone service providers... can you hear us now?)

6. Ignore the millions of people with speech or hearing difficulties.
If you operate predominantly in the consumer sector, then ignore all those who may not be able to communicate effectively with you. After all, who wants another million or so potential customers?

7. Ignore customer feedback.
Why don't you develop your services and ignore what your customers want? Don't ask for input. That never helps and it just delays the roll-out of new products and services that you know your customers want.

8. Forget about third parties that work with your company.
We're talking about all those companies that work for you and communicate with your existing and prospective customers. Don't bother investing time to work with them. After all, if they cannot help a customer, then who cares? Or if they give the wrong advice and you get sued for misinformation, so what?

9. Forget cultural differences.
Make everyone do things your way, even if they cannot speak your language or have different ways of saying things.

10. Forget about service -- just sell, sell and sell.
Don't get distracted by nasty diversions such as customer care and outstanding service. Customers don't really expect it, so why bother? Just give them a low price and rotten service, and they will come back in droves.


Yes, that should just about do it! Simply follow these 10 steps, and your company will be well on its way toward losing those pesky customers.


From Jonathan Farrington's article on CRMDaily.com.